Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Writing A Birth Plan

When I had Big Girl I was very much laid back about the whole giving birth process. I'd accepted I couldn't control it and the midwives had our best interests in mind. My birth plan was very basic, it spoke about not being able to have gas and air and wanting an epidural. I was induced due to my waters breaking and having Strep B. We were very lucky and had an amazing midwife who listened to me, made me feel safe and comfortable and despite a failed epidural, giving birth to her wasn't that bad.

Giving birth to baby girl was a totally different experience, there were a few more bits and pieces written on the birth plan, for example I wanted to breastfeed her, something that unfortunately didn't work out. To begin with I had a lovely midwife who was amazing and then her shift ended and in walked someone who felt she knew it all. I started to worry something was wrong, but was told I was being paranoid. I panicked as I didn't feel I was being listened to, suddenly I didn't feel supported, I didn't feel I could do it any more. I told her a few more times there was something wrong but she wasn't listening to me. Sure enough as I started pushing, it became obvious there was something wrong. I panicked, the husband panicked, the midwife panicked, alarms went off, Drs rushed in, the room filled up and I was scared. With out going into too much detail, a lot of blood was lost very quickly, my body went into shock and started to shut down. When she was placed on me, I never felt the instant rush of love for her and just didn't want her anywhere near me.

The first night on the ward was horrendous, I wasn't myself I was exhausted and very much still in shock. there was no one around to help and I sat and cried throughout the whole night. The whole experience made it difficult to bond with Baby Girl for many months, I went through the motions with her ashamed to let anyone really know what was going on, but feelings of resentment, guilt, sadness, horror and violation were in the forefront and I just found it all too difficult to deal with. I'm pleased to say things are very different now, I wouldn't be sharing this if they weren't!

It's left me scared of giving birth again, in fact, truth be told, I'm terrified! Far from being the trusting person I was when I went into labour with Big Girl, I want as little to do with the hospital as possible. If I had it my way I'd be having a home birth, but complications mean that just isn't possible, I cant even go to the midwife led unit, I have no choice but to accept this baby will be born in the big hospital in Bristol.

My community midwife has been amazing since I met her at 16 weeks and has listened to all my concerns and ramblings and has come back with many solutions to all my worries, the first being a comprehensive birth plan. Deciding what I want to happen, and as I know you cant really control much about labour, focusing on what I want to happen after the birth.

So what do you include in a birth plan?

-Who do you want there?
-What pain relief do you want?
-Is there contingency for pain relief? e.g. pethidine if not allowed in the water.
-What birthing positions have you thought about?
-Do you want the injection to speed the placenta delivery or do you want a natural 3rd stage?
-Who is going to cut the cord?
-Are you happy for baby to have the vitamin K injection?
-How are you going to feed your baby?
-Do you want skin to skin time with your baby?
-Do you want to be discharged to the ward or go home straight away? (Providing no complications)
-If giving birth in a hospital, did you know you can be discharged to your nearest midwife led unit rather than staying on the hospital antenatal ward? (Again providing no complications)

These are just some of the questions spinning round in my mind this week as I write down my thoughts for birth number 3. Is there anything you would add to that list? I'd love to know what your birth plans consisted of.

MAD Blog AwardsPost Comment Love

Mother.Wife.Me

Follow me on | Facebook | Instagram

16 comments:

  1. Ooh, good luck with no3! Sounds like you will have a great plan in place, and I'm sure the midwives will see in your notes about your previous blood loss so will be on guard about that. I lost 3.5 litres and am terrified to give birth again if I ever have another! #MMWbh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's been no secret this pregnancy wasn't exactly planned! My community midwife had been really great, telling me about options I didn't even know existed! I'd definitely recommend talking to your midwife about your fears and concerns.

      Delete
  2. Like you my first my birth was very vague, I knew that I really had very little control and I just wanted the best to be done for me and the baby. In the end I needed an emergency section. And, however traumatic this was, it made my next two birth plans very simple: elective section. I think you need to feel that you have regained control, as much as you can, over your next birth - good luck! #MMWBH

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, That's the idea, hopefully! Just to feel like I'm in control and being listened to will hopefully help me to feel more secure.

      Delete
  3. I may be male, but i shall comment on this anyway! I'm a big believer in birth plans. My wife and I failed to write a comprehensive plan when our first daughter was born and it left us unprepared for what happened. No such mistakes second time around. I also think it's essential that dad knows it because mum can't always express her wishes mid-contraction! Best of luck #MMWbh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Comment away, I appreciate a males perspective! The husband has been very good at telling them what I want when I can't, however I agree, it's always best written down!

      Delete
  4. Like you say the best way to feel some level of control is to plan what will happen after birth, not during. I found choosing my babies coming home outfit very helpful as it helped me to visualise it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, I'm almost done writing it now and deciding what will happen after has been a huge relief. I either want to go home (though that may not be possible if I'm Strep B positive again, so will go to the local Midwife Led Unit. I really don't want to stay at the hospital, but will if I have to if its in Pop's best interests.

      I've not got around to deciding on going home outfits, I don't even have anything I could put him in yet! Really looking forward to going shopping soon though, I think that will help make it all 'real'.

      Delete
  5. there are certainly things i need to think about. From your experience whats best injection to take placenta out or to wait for a natural delivery? and yes or no to Vitamin K?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think they are only questions you can answer after doing the appropriate research. Personally I opted for vit K and the injection, however many people feel differently for very valid reasons. Good luck with your decisions.

      Delete
  6. I wrote a comprehensive birth plan for Potato's birth. I had gestational diabetes, so couldn't have the midwife-led unit birth I wanted. But I still wanted a natural birth where possible and to be allowed to use my hypnobirthing techniques. You can read my birth plan here. I hope you don't mind me putting the link in the comments http://www.bakedpotatomummy.co.uk/birth-plan-for-potatos-birth
    #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind at all, I'd love to read it! Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  7. I had two planned c-sections so didn't have much of a birth plan in place...
    Good luck with number 3! x

    ReplyDelete
  8. That's strange - I thought I left a comment last night! I was lucky enough for my birth plan to go exactly according to plan and I had a water birth with Grace using gas and air. The placenta was delivered by injection once I was out of the water. If you need any help or more info then I am happy to chat - just send me an email :) Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ooh second birth plan post on #AAY this week, you should pop over to Alice at MumsMakeLists, she's covered off every eventuality. Good luck whatever you put on your birth plan, sorry to hear you had such an awful experience last time, it really is inexcusable that you weren't given better care.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wishing you masses of luck - I approached my 2nd with some trepidation after a traumatic first birth, but was also resolved that as long as baby and I left safely that was all that would matter. Thanks so much for linking to #AllAboutYou

    Mama-andmore.com

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...